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Welcome
to Epic Fucking Fail, the
first site devoted to failures of epic proportions.
From people to things, this site has the biggest
collection of failures online. That's probably
nothing to brag about, but if you're reading
this you're probably a failure anyway so get
bent. Oh, and remember to bookmark
this site! so you can check back
for new updates and whatnot. Do it, pussy.
This
site contains a bunch of offensive shit, like
swearing, nudity, and some other crap. If
you're offended by this site, I could care
less, so go cry about it somewhere else. Or
better yet, send in a picture of yourself
because there's a good chance you're an epic
fail. |
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NEWEST
EPIC FAILS |
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Raven
Riley. One of the most amazing chicks online.
Her site certainly doesn't fail. |
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Products That
Fail - 12.03.09
The Jeff Dunham
Show
While some people may not consider a television
show to be a "product," I still
consider it one for the mere fact it's something
that somebody is trying to sell to us. In
this instance, it's Comedy Central that's
trying to sell us on Jeff Dunham actually
being funny enough to warrant his own show.
Therefore, in some sense, a television show
does fall into the category of "product."
For example, "Hi, we're Comedy Central.
Please buy into our Jeff Dunham product
so we can make money off of the advertisements
we sell during his show, not to mention
his DVD sales when they hit the market."
That's assuming the show lasts long enough
to even be released on DVD, mind you. If
this turd-tanker of a show makes it to season
two I'll be amazed. Actually, I probably
won't since three out of four people in
this world are fucking retarded, and it's
retards who think Jeff Dunham is funny.
For those of you who don't know who this
fucknugget is (consider yourself lucky),
he's a comedian whose entire act revolves
around ventriloquism. If you ask me, ventriloquism
isn't funny and never has been. If you really
think about it, ventriloquism is basically
setting yourself up for your own joke, which
is the lamest of the lame. I mean, really,
if you need a way to set yourself up for
a joke, why not just involve another actual
person in your act? Having a conversation
with a puppet on your hand just to set yourself
up for a laugh is flat-out stupid and cheap.
At this point I should add that almost anybody
should be able to be funny when the jokes
are already set up for them, yet Jeff Dunham
fails at even that. The guy sets himself
up for a joke, yet his jokes are so fucking
lame and contrived that how anyone could
even crack a smile at one of them is beyond
me. Even with the perfect set up, Jeff Dunham
can't figure out how to be funny. Jesus
Christ, Jeff.
Jeff Dunham is one of, if not the, most
unfunny comedians of all time. I don't even
like to use the word comedian in the same
sentence as Jeff Dunham as I feel it's an
insult to the word. "Comedian,"
infers "comedy," which is something
Jeff Dunham knows nothing about. As stated
earlier, ventriloquism isn't funny. It's
especially not funny when it's Jeff Dunham
doing it. We can see your mouth moving,
asshole. You're not fooling anybody. Hell,
not only is the guy completely unfunny,
he's not even a good ventriloquist.
So how did this fuckbox get his own show?
Well, you see, Jeff Dunham made his rise
to fame pretty much of off broads, who are
known to have an incredibly shitty sense
of humor. Norm McDonald, perhaps one of
the funniest men to ever live, took a few
jabs at the female take on comedy in a 2009
appearance on The Howard Stern Show.
Norm, along with Howard and crew, discussed
how most women have a terrible sense of
humor. Click
here to check out the clip on YouTube.
Anyhow, it's true that a large percentage
of the female population have a horrible
sense of humor and actually find guys who
talk to a puppet on their hand to be hilarious.
Knowing that I'm a huge fan of stand-up
comedy many of my female friends over the
last two years would ask me, "Have
you ever heard of Jeff Dunham? He's a riot."
I heard this so often that I eventually
just YouTubed the guy to see if he was in
fact as funny as all of my female friends
were swearing he was. I was appalled at
how incredibly unfunny the guy was. Yet,
almost everyone I knew with a vagina was
singing his praises. Every broad I met seemed
to absolutely love Jeff Dunham and his arsenal
of stupid fucking puppets. Yes, thanks to
chicks, and chicks dragging their boyfriends
to see his talentless show, Jeff's audience
eventually grew to the point where he was
offered his own worthless excuse for a television
show on Comedy Central. |
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I have to admit, Comedy
Central's taken a real shit on themselves
over the last couple of years. First they
gave that hack Carlos Mencia a show, then
they cancel Reno 911 (which wasn't
the best show ever produced, but it had
its moments and was a whole lot funnier
than most of the other shows they air),
then they continue to air new shows like
Secret Girlfriend that royally
fucking suck, and now they've introduced
The Jeff Dunham Show. Pretty much
the only thing Comedy Central has going
for them now is The Daily Show,
The Colbert Report, South Park,
and old reruns of Futurama.
Out of morbid curiosity I suffered through
the entire first episode of The Jeff
Dunham Show. As expected, it was a
fucking catastrophe. Not only did I fail
to laugh once, I didn't even crack a smile.
I sat there mesmerized, focusing my hate
on this completely talentless dipshit who,
thanks to a few million halfwits who find
talking to a puppet funny, somehow managed
to finagle himself into his very own show.
The focus of the show? Jeff takes his unfunny
self out in public with his unfunny puppets
and, well... nothing funny happens. He brings
them out in public, interacts with people,
and the results are taped and compiled into
a television show that's painful to watch.
I should mention that his puppets aren't
even funny to look at and are nothing more
than clichés anyhow, some of which
border on racist. For example, a dead terrorist
who constantly talks about killing things
and has the catch phrase, "I keel you,"
a grumpy old man who hates everything, a
black guy who talks like a uneducated buffoon,
a Mexican (poorly named "Jalapeno")
who also talks like an uneducated buffoon,
and so on. None of it is witty or clever.
If I ever had the misfortune to find myself
among the audience of a Jeff Dunham show,
I wouldn't even boo the guy. I'd just sit
there and stare at him with a blank look
on my face. A look of, "What the fuck
is this?"
I hate Jeff Dunham so much. That oversized
fuckhole is one of the least funny people
on the planet and I'd give anything to punch
him in the throat. Preferably with a hammer.
He should be sealed in a toxic waste barrel
and thrown to the bottom of the ocean along
with anybody who actually thinks he's talented.
The next time somebody asks me why I'm rooting
for the end of the world, I'm going to reply,
"Because Jeff Dunham exists, along
with people who think he's funny."
Jeff Dunham should be working at a fucking
drive-thru. I hate him so much it physically
hurts. I pray it rains AIDS and he walks
outside and opens his fucking mouth.
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Sandy
Summers. This banner doesn't do her justice.
Check out her site. Way hot. |
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Captain Androgynous, captain
of the U.S.S. Hermaphrodite. Pick a gender,
asshole. |
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So gangsta he robbed, like, five cookie jars
last week. |
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Please stop trying to be a mermaid you stupid
bitch. |
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Please stop trying to be a female you stupid
bitch. |
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Pam Spice.
A link to her site wouldn't be here if it
sucked. She's fucking awesome, seriously. |
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Our
friends! Quality sites that
don't fucking fail.
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