Products That Fail - 04.19.10
Anime, Anime, Anime
I know I'll probably get a lot of hate mail over this, but since when do I give a sun-dried turd what you fucks think? I don't give a fuck what you think, obviously, which is why I'm going to say something that I've been saying over and over again for years. Ready? Give me a drumroll...

Anime is fucking stupid.

"Oh, how can you not like anime? It's so awesome!" No, it's really not. Maybe I don't like anime because I have a social life and enjoy getting laid. That, or maybe I just realize how unbelievably moronic this form of animation (and I use the word loosely) is. It's been my experience that anime fans are largely socially inept and a bit off in the head.

I'll never understand anime fans. Almost every anime fan I've met wants to be Japanese so bad it hurts. I've known people so into anime that they completely envelope themselves in the Japanese culture. I'm not joking when I say that I've met people so crazy about anime that they've gone so far as to take Japanese language classes in hopes they'll one day speak fluent Jap, visit Japan, and do... who knows what. It's, like, "Dude, you're white and you're American. You'll never be Japanese. Get the fuck over it."

The ironic part of anime, which is Japanese animation for those of you who live in a cave, is that the characters are drawn with caucasian features. Next time you watch anime take a look at how the characters are portrayed. They're all white with exaggeratedly large eyes. Do you know why they're drawn like this? They're drawn this way because in Japan it's widely believed that caucasians, specifically white Americans, are the most beautiful people on the planet. The majority of the Japanese population hold caucasian beauty in very high regard. Don't believe me? It's a growing trend among Japanese women to have their eyes surgically widened so they can "look more American." They undergo plastic surgery to literally have their eyes widened because they believe it's more aesthetically appealing.

So, basically, anime fans want to be Japanese, yet the Japanese people drawing this anime want to be American. Am I the only one who sees the humor in that? It's absolutely ridiculous. And, speaking of ridiculous, the actual animation is complete garbage. The characters barely move. It'll be a minute of one character standing motionless as their mouth moves in sporadic and exaggerated bursts followed by a minute of another character who's also standing motionless minus their flapping mouth. When there is actual movement it's usually crappy and involves a bunch of seizure-inducing flashing lights. The other day, whilst channel surfing, I stumbled upon that "Pokemon" show. After suffering through five minutes of it I reached the conclusion that it makes zero sense and might be making children mildly retarded. There is no discernable storyline and the everything from the animation to the voiceover work just plain sucks. I should add that this is the show that was giving kids seizures a few years back thanks to its constant use of flashing lights.

In summation, anime is a bunch of bull and the majority of anime fans are social misfits who are desperately seeking something cool they can cling to and make their own. Like, "Wow, I'm part of an elite group of super awesome people because I watch anime!" Half of the people who are supposedly into anime probably don't even really like it. I mean, honestly, how could they? It's a load of nonsensical crap.