Products That Fail
Products that shouldn't exist but do and piss me off.

Products That Fail - 06.23.08
LG vx8300 Cellphone
I'd love to meet the conceptual genius who created the design for my piece of shit LG cellphone so I can take a tire iron to his face. Why is it that some of these hamskulls don't understand that not everbody has the fingers of a ten-year-old Asian child? I have fat, chubby troll fingers, goddammit. I'm an oversized American with thick, greasy fingers. You can't put buttons that close together and expect people like me not to accidently press more than one of them at the same time, shit.

Gee, what a fabulous place for a speakerphone button. It's completely not incoveniently placed or anything. Nope, not a chance somebody will accidently press this thing.

Fuck you, LG. Seriously. I'd love to put this phone on vibrate, shove it up the President of LG's butthole, and then call him repeatedly. But he'd probably like it because he's a queer.

LG, in their infinite wisdom, decided it'd be cool to put the speakerphone button directly below the "clear" button, which just so happens to be one of the most important buttons on the fucking phone. End result? I always wind up accidently pressing the speakerphone button. This happens on a daily basis since, like a 14-year-old schoolgirl, I text message all the time and the "clear" button is essential to text messaging. I swear LG put the speakerphone button there just to fuck with people. I've never seen a speakerphone button in such a terrible spot. I'm not joking when I say that I accidently press this button every single day of my worthless life. It makes a loud, annoying noise when you press it, too. Fuck, I hate this phone so much. Instead of trying to find a cure for AIDS, we should shove all of our resources into trying to find a cure for people who design shit like this.