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Products
That Fail
Products that shouldn't exist
but do and piss me off. |
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Products
That Fail - 12.03.09
The
Jeff Dunham Show
While some people may not consider
a television show to be a "product,"
I still consider it one for the mere fact
it's something that somebody is trying to
sell to us. In this instance, it's Comedy
Central that's trying to sell us on Jeff
Dunham actually being funny enough to warrant
his own show. Therefore, in some sense,
a television show does fall into the category
of "product." For example, "Hi,
we're Comedy Central. Please buy into our
Jeff Dunham product so we can make money
off of the advertisements we sell during
his show, not to mention his DVD sales when
they hit the market." That's assuming
the show lasts long enough to even be released
on DVD, mind you. If this turd-tanker of
a show makes it to season two I'll be...
READ MORE > |
Products
That Fail - 11.22.09
The
Legend of Zelda: The Twilight Princess
I literally just finished
playing The Legend of Zelda: The Twilight
Princess. I know, I know... the game
came out back in 2006. I just now got around
to playing it, so blow me. I get fucking
busy sometimes. And by "get fucking
busy," I mean, "spend a lot of
time drinking."
Anyhow, I rarely play video games these
days 'cause they take away from my drinking
time, but a few weeks ago I thought it'd
be fun to pop in this latest Zelda game...
READ MORE > |
Products
That Fail - 08.15.08
Shamrock
Farms Chocolate Milk
If you don't like
chocolate milk then I could never be friends
with you because you're probably Russian
or something and Russians are just weird.
Yes, I drink chocolate milk, and no, I am
not ten-years-old. I just love the stuff,
so lay off of me or I'll stab you in the
face with a screwdriver. Chocolate milk
is the shit. It's also good for mixing drinks
with. Ever tried Captain Morgan Spiced Rum
and chocolate milk? It's fucking delicious
and will get you all fucked-up. Yes, chocolate
milk is truly...
READ
MORE >
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Products
That Fail - 06.23.08
LG
vx8300 Cellphone
I'd love to meet the
conceptual genius who created the design
for my piece of shit LG cellphone so I can
take a tire iron to his face. Why is it
that some of these hamskulls don't understand
that not everbody has the fingers of a ten-year-old
Asian child? I have fat, chubby troll fingers,
goddammit. I'm an oversized American with
thick, greasy fingers. You can't put buttons
that close together and expect people like
me... READ
MORE > |
Products
That Fail - 05.31.08
MySpace
Karaoke
Okay, I don't know
if you could technically consider MySpace's
new "MySpace
Karaoke" a product, but I'm going
to anyway. And, let me tell you, this new
gimmick of theirs is an epic fail. For those
of you not familiar with this new steaming
pile of virtual garbage, let me fill you
in.
MySpace
Karaoke is a place where talentless
losers with too much free time...
READ MORE > |
Products
That Fail - 05.31.08
Kirby
Diamond Edition Ultimate G-Unit Vacuum
If a Kirby vacuum
cleaner saleman comes to your door, make
sure you have a baseball bat or other blunt
object handy so you can bash their face
in. Two years ago one of these gremlins
came to my door and was like, "Hey,
buy this vacuum cleaner. It can do almost
anything and is awesome." The saleman
(salesdemon) was some young guy who gave
me this song and dance about how he had
to sell just one more vacuum in order to
win some trip to Hawaii with his girlfriend
or something. Of course, being a complete
sucker, I fell for it and... READ
MORE > |
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